losing sleep..

still in pain

i'm damn tired
but i can't seem to fall asleep
coz of the freakin' pain
so i made changes to my blog again
i've got a few people asking for my photos' links
i've managed to figure out how to put them back
so..nah..there they are
but i still can't make my blog look like what i want
argh
i need an expert on html
coz i'm too lazy to figure it out myself

i need to sleep

=~~(

freakin' miserable

i haven't eaten a single thing todae
i'm having a headache
it hurts when i talk
it hurts when i yawn
it hurts when i turn my head to the right
(bcoz the collar of my jacket touches the area)
i can't even freakin' swallow my saliva!!
basically
the slightest movement of my jaw
will render pain to many places
wat the fuck
all becoz of 1 freakin' tooth
wisdom indeed
how come i am not wiser

and u noe wat
the earliest appointment i can get at the polyclinic is..
NOVEMBER 2005 (for weekday)
and FEBRUARY 2006 (for saturday)
wats up man
suddenly everyone's got dental problems??
arghhhh

(-_-|||)

duh

after making me uncontactable for 24 hrs
my SIM card decided to work
i am s.o. n.o.t. a.m.u.s.e.d loh
really surprised me
when my sms tone sounded
and ydae's smses came in
i was like staring at my hp
as if it was possessed
coincidentally
it was around this time ydae dat i dropped my hp
and the SIM card stopped working
hmm
weird
anyway, i'm contactable again!!
call me! sms me!
hahaha
(yes, i'm still in the attention-seeking mood)

missing in action..

uneasy

i’m having a weird feeling
a gut
instinct
dat something is wrong
like someone is lying to me
or hiding something from me
hmm
and i dun feel good about it
coz i dunno wat it is
is anyone of u doing something behind my back??!!
quick!!
confess now!!
hahaha
tink i goin crazy le
maybe my brain's lacking blood
dats y

oh yah
i'll be uncontactable for a while
i dropped my hp this morning
and my SIM CARD stopped working
weird
i verified that aredi
confirm is SIM CARD problem
and not handset
now i can't make/receive calls
and i can't send/receive sms
my line is under the 1+1 plan
with my dad being the main subscriber
so i'll need him to go down to M1 shop for a new SIM card
wth
troublesome ah
well
not such a bad thing to be MIA once in a while
give u guys a chance to miss me
(yes, i'm narcissistic)
dun miss me too much yar
hahaha

actually ah
tink i got my wish
haha
wanted to be MIA ydae
and see if anyone actually misses me
as in, like
not totally uncontactable lah
juz dat i dun call or tell anyone my whereabouts
and simply wait for pple to call me
hahaha
(yes, i was in the attention-seeking mood)
coz u see ah
it's usually me who go around telling pple
where i'm going
wat i'm doing etc
it suddenly struck me dat the person(s) i'm telling
might not be interested in knowing at all
so, i shldn't be bothering him/her/them yar?
was feeling pms-y too (actually, dms-y)
and i didn't feel like going home so early
so i went loitering around for 2 hours
yes, alone
until i got bored
wanted to go some beach to watch sunset
but was tinking abt how pathetic it is to do dat alone
and i'll be like wallowing in self-pity
so i didn't put dat plan to action
(i will if i'm depressed but i wasn't DAT depressed ydae)
decided to go visit my godson, pillow
he's a very handsome 3-yr-old golden retriever
he belongs to nanfeng
a fren whom i got to know during my 1+yr stint at Coffee Club
didn't realise how much i missed the canine until last nite
he's so huggable (read:fat) now
feels really good when we were both sitting on the floor
and i hugged him from behind
felt so secure, knowing dat he'll always be there
ready to give unconditional love and support
wiled the nite away switching channels
watching homerun and kiss of the dragon
it got me kinda depressed
when i didn't get a single call/sms for the whole evening/nite
juz as i was on my way home to wallow dat nobody loves me
and dat nobody cares whether i'm dead/alive
i got phonecalls from 3 different pple
hehehe
u know who u are
luv ya loads
muack~

fruity..

damn blardy freakin' cold in office

i'm so not in the mood to work
doing everything dat is work-related in slow-motion
everything is deemed urgent anyway
if u can't differentiate them
what's the difference, really?
alrite, i'm crapping
i'm bored lah
just read an email from my section head
she hinted rejection for my request of transfer
and asked me to back-up my request with reasons
so i'm still in the midst of negotiating wif her
and i really hope that i succeed
my section is coming up wif a new org chart
so there will be changes, new positions
and i want change
no, i need change
coz i'm bored of my job
and there's no job satisfaction at all
but sadly, it's not "ask, and you will be given" kinda situation
over here, it's "ask, and we'll think about it, but most probably the answer is no"
so..wish me luck yar?

u noe wat
i had a sudden loss of appetite jus now
as in, really total loss
irks me when i see food
and i imagined myself rushing to the toilet to puke
if i were to put something in my mouth
kinda scared me for a while
coz never in my life would i imagine myself to be anorexic
but thankfully the feeling went away
and i finished up the remaining fruits dat i b(r)ought earlier this week
it's been a fruit-for-lunch week for me
let's see what i ate...
4 golden apples (yes, they are golden-yellow in colour)
5 dragon fruits (i'm currently addicted to them)
2 starfruits
2 oranges
all these
over 4 days of lunch and tea breaks
(there was a day when i totally didn't have appetite to eat)
wahh
now dat i listed down
it seems quite a lot huh
hmm
wat should i eat for next week?

jessie offered me invites for zouk tonite
and can u imagine
i can't get enuff people to go wif me
but alrite lah
though quite gian about not having to pay cover
i'm not really into progressive house music
so..think i'll give it a miss this time

i'm meeting edalene and adelynn tonite
finally, i can go..
"edalene, this is adelynn."
"adelynn, this is edalene."
(like wat zhenjin did when eric meets erik)
hahaha
isn't it amusing
will be having dinner wif edalene and stanley at wheelock
and adelynn will join us when she's finished wif her stuff
think we'll just chill out somewhere and stone the nite away

i just want us to be happy..

high

though i slept for only 3 hrs
i woke up on the right side of the bed
(is there such a phrase??!)
well, there’s such a phrase as "woke up on the wrong side of the bed"
so there should be a "right side" yar?
hahaha
ermm..
i’m not very sure abt the source of my happiness
but i can name at least a few events dat could be of influence..

i went to sleep wif the twins’ song (see previous entry) in my head
and i woke up wif the same song in my head
so i tink it’s gonna be stuck in my head for the rest of todae
but i dun mind lah
coz it's a really nice and happy song
and not some irritating jingle or sumthing

went gymming last nite wif eric and sharon at his condo
burnt 281 calories after a half-hr uphill walk
worked my arms with weights
and they feel more toned now!
(actually ah, i tink they are tensed-up..not toned..haha)
we were supposed to get changed for a swim
but ended up signing into my msn account using eris’s laptop
haha
really lack the willpower ah
only eric continued lifting his weights
while sharon and i were busy laffing at ivan’s crap
he was so damn crappy (and perverted)
made us laff until we almost cramped up
had an audio conversation wif xiang ru
and she serenaded us wif her beautiful voice
until eric and sharon were so full of praise for her
reached home just b4 midnight
went on msn again
(yes, i’m a msn addict!)
was highly-entertained (and enlightened) by stanley
thanks for listening
commenting
and most importantly
CRAPPING!
hahahahaha

i guess laughter is really the best medicine
life is short
stay happy

so..
let's juz leave things and not fret anymore okay?
muack~..
oops.. what did i jus do..
hmm..

(i’m a good learner..heh)

starry..

star light
star bright
1st star i see tonight
i wish i may
i wish i might
have the wish i wish tonight

i wanna go for this leh

就像星星落在地面
七彩闪烁世界
游乐园颜色像卡片
旋转木马带我们在飞
我的手让你牵
爱情原来是最香浓咖啡杯
摩天轮里面
独处的时间
我心情游客谁都了解
背包的左边
票根的被面
我趁你不注意偷偷写下心愿

期待今夜天空星星不熄灭
在心里约定陪你到永远
抬头看一遍
星星眨眼
现在你就在我身边

我祈祷就让地球停在这瞬间
不聊天静静散步也很美
抬头看一遍
你的侧脸
想到微笑挂你唇边
La La La La La La ~

就像城堡前的花园
爱这幸福感觉
能不能这样都不变
拍张我们合照的相片
野火停在天边
你的好也停在我的心里面
爆米花香味带着一种甜
喜欢你开心大笑的脸
背包的左边
票根的背面
我趁你不注意偷偷写下心愿

期待今夜天空星星不熄灭
在心里约定陪你到永远
抬头看一遍
星星眨眼
现在你就在我身边

我祈祷就让地球停在这瞬间
不聊天静静散步也很美
抬头看一遍
你的侧脸
想到微笑挂你唇边

期待今夜天空星星不熄灭
在心里约定陪你到永远
抬头看一遍
星星眨眼
现在你就在我身边
La La La La La La~

so sweet rite the song
i've been using it as my message ringtone
it's a song by Twins
titled <<星光游乐园>>
didn't find out wat the lyrics were until now
and since i'm in the starry mood
decided to add the lyrics here
hehe

the right one..

met up wif ronny last nite
he's my "brother" from JC
came back from aussie for good

we went to glutton bay
it's this hawker place beside esplanade
high class place with high class prices
for eg. 10 sticks of satay + rice + cucumber cost $6
and we ordered..
oo1. 10 sticks of satay
oo2. oyster omelette
oo3. 6 chicken wings
oo4. hokkien prawn noodles wrapped in banana leaf
oo5. 2 cups of sugar cane juice
all that for just the 2 of us
gluttons indeed
hahaha
but we din manage to finish the food

we bought ice-cream and walked around the area
were just talking and walking aimlessly
with the occasional question "eh, where we going ah?"
being answered with "there lah"
made a full circle and ended up where we started
and sat down at the exact same spot
where me, eda and stan were last saturday
our conversation revolved mainly around him and Esther
his gf from JC who is my fren too
was toking abt the long (literally) story of how they got together
it took 2 yrs b4 they got together
becoz he was looking for a wife, not a gf
he was waiting for the right one to appear
but one day his mum told him this..
(the crux of wat she said is in the last sentence)

all girls are the same
sure got imperfections somewhere
depends on how u accept and adapt
choose here choose there
wait here wait there
most of the time
the girl u get in the end
might not be as good as the ones u meet halfway

hmm
mums always offer somehing philosophical eh
and so he realised dat Es is the girl
who stuck wif him thru times
and tahan-ed all his nonsense
he mentioned about his missed opportunities too
so now he'll never noe wat could have happened
coz he heeded his mum's sound advice
but no regrets
and he has aredi decided to marry her =)

5 words..

i came to realise
dats it's not really up to me
to decide whether i wanna forget or not
so i tink i'll just..

let the snake ownself flow

(or a more common saying is "let nature take its course")

memories..

blank

i finally got the truth
and as the saying goes "truth hurts"
i was hoping
i will never be able to relate to this song
and never use it to describe how i feel
but somehow
at this very moment
it seems so apt
seems as if it's tailor-made

再就要转身前忽然又想起你
相遇的那一天漾着微笑的你
那个微笑还是很美丽
可惜那个人常常要让人哭泣

太耀眼的城市不适合看星星
就如同你的心不适合谈安定
谢谢你让我伤过心
学会爱情并非执迷
人改变不了改变不了的事情
记得要忘记，忘记，
我提醒自己, 你已经是人海中的一个背影
长长时光, 我应该要有新的回忆

人无法确定会为谁痛心
但至少可以决定放不放弃
我承认我还是会爱着你
但我将永不再触碰着记忆

记得要忘记，忘记，经过我的你
毕竟只是很偶然的那种相遇
不会不容易，我有一辈子，足够用来忘记

我还有一辈子
可以用来努力

我一定会忘记你

but i'm not sure if i want to

i haven't been blogging..

becoz i just can't find the right words to say
to describe how i really really feel
in case anyone is worrying
no, i am not depressed
i am happy
really
it's just...
there's so much unspoken thoughts between us
and it makes me wonder why
hmm..
i dunno

WATEVER..

DAMN BLARDY FUCKING PISSED NOW
IT DOESN'T PAY TO BE KIND
I GET RIDICULOUS DEMANDS IN RETURN

彩虹眼泪..

他总是不了解　
我那些假装的无所谓
关于那么是是非非　
爱的疲惫　
又有谁能陪

我总不够坚决
才会在爱里面绕圈圈
我学得会　
口是心非不要流泪

天上的眼泪
它好像懂我的心碎
懂得轻轻给我一些安慰
我们应该要了解　
伤了心有种爱的美

天上的彩虹　
总出现在天晴雨过
我已经懂得轻轻地放手
就算我觉得难过　
你会在我身边守候
陪我在一起去看彩虹

擦干了成长的泪水　
搭上了幸福的地铁
远方有个声音　
那一定会是你

你总是不自觉　
才会在爱里面绕圈圈
让他去飞　
流个泪水才能学会

...

emotional

i dun feel too good now
even the thought of having free lunch later
doesn't make me smile

tink it's the after-effects of my previous post
set me tinking abt certain stuff

hmm

men..

thoughtful

yesterday, i was on the phone for 1st half of my day in office
trying to give advice to my best friend
and another friend
kinda ironic
since i can't even solve my own problem
haha

men always say women are complicated
are we really?
men are not simlpe too
men can be fickle-minded
men can be freaky
men can have mood swings
men can be full of excuses
men can be unpredictable
and..
men can be bastards
actually i tink they are horny all the time

i actually have a few male friends who agree to the point
about men being bastards
one said
90% of the time
men think wif their dicks
the rest of the 10%
they think wif their balls
all men watch porn
and they use their trusty left/right hand to do stuff dat girls don't
and then they give the excuse dat it's some biological shit
so they need to release and replenish and watever crap

no no
i'm not agianst all dat
maybe it really is a need due to biological difference
but guys
do all dat in ur own privacy
and dun go around offending girls with ur words and/or questions
we do not need to know wat u do in ur bedroom/bathroom
and neither do we need to know ur fantasy targets
my fren recently read another guy's blog
who actually listed the names of his 70+ sex partners
and posted pics of them
wth..
and recently
i got to know from a fren some stuff abt another fren of ours
and after dat
i dunno wat to tink of him
the good image dat i've had of him for so many years is shattered
and i'm kinda disappointed in him
oh well

alrite
not all men are like dat
BUT!
men who are not like dat
are either taken or gay
or they are just looking around
waiting for the right one
meanwhile playing wif girls' feelings
and they will give the excuse
dat they fear commitment or some shit
or dat there's nothing wrong in making more frens
yadda yadda yadda
remember this
a fine line always separate the 2 sides

i've got a close fren who's perpetually troubled by love
with super nice guys
she's troubled for years aredi
i tink they are bastards
not in the literal sense
but i feel dat playing wif a girl's feelings
is a bastard act too
why guys
why do u treat girls so nice when u dun see a future wif them

as the saying goes
被爱是幸福, 爱人是痛苦

爱一个人
真的是蛮痛苦的
但是
被爱真的幸福吗?
我不以为然

looking at the other side of the coin
sometimes
being liked doesn't feel good too
another close fren of mine is liked by her close fren
they were really close before
and for many years too
now, things are somehow different
there's a feeling of awkwardness
and the friendship will never be the same as before

wat a sad world

think i shld stop writing now
can feel myself drowning in depressive thoughts

a day at home..

relaxed

stayed at home the WHOLE day
mum must be so proud of me
hahaha
was woken up by a phonecall ard noon
went cold storage to buy some baking stuff
came back and baked choc chip cookies
a recipe my 2nd aunt gave me during CNY
turned out pretty good
*beams*
but they dun look good
coz i got fed up trying to shape them
finally decided to juz leave them in lumps
and let the oven heat do the job
i was telling my mum and sis
famous amos cookies also look like dat
shapeless
so mayb mine will taste like famous amos' too
hahaha
anyone wana try??
hehe
=D

played my piano after clearing up the kitchen
watched the clip from "my sassy girl" over and over again
trying to figure out the repeats and inserts for that version of canon in d
remember i mentioned that the score i have is very short
neway, i managed to figure it out
drew all over the score
looks kinda messy
so i gotta write / type it out
lazy to download the music software leh
but i'm lazy to draw the notes too
and i tink i'm out of manuscript paper
hmm
next time ba
if i remember
haha

playing my piano
i suddenly felt very very very tired
kinda scared me for a while
it's the same kind of tiredness i felt in the office the other day
the feeling that i can fall asleep right there and then
so i went into my room and hit the covers
woke up a while later and i felt totally refreshed
hmm
weird

gonna catch the last display of fireworks tmr nite
oh yah
the display on the eve of national day was good
pics taken dat nite are up
go take a look
i decided to put it in another album
but no new pics of fireworks yet
coz xiang ru took only video of the fireworks
but adrian did take photos
so i'm waiting for him to send me
hehe
we [the bintan gang] had dinner at suntec crystal jade
thanks to soo hoon
congrats on her promotion =)
after dinner den we met sharon and eric at marina mrt
and zhenjin, erik, eda, jianyang and adrian
stanley somehow appeared at marina later
after the display
sharon joined me and the bintan gang for supper at geylang
while the rest headed for their homes
a nite well spent
feels good to have so many frens ard

to clarify things for soo hoon and ronald
who starred in "the geylang story"
the story is totally made up by xiang ru
she simply took the candid shots
and made up a story wif them
i must say
dat girl is really creative
stanley, if u r reading this
u might wanna engage her as ur asst scriptwriter
hahaha

gonna slp now
long day tmr
but looking forward to it
=)

clever me..

accomplished

juz finished a 500pc jigsaw puzzle
and realised dat i'm out of puzzle glue
i used my mum's tuition table to make the puzzle
now i dunno how to keep
so either i dismantle the puzzle
or i go out and buy the damn glue
wth
so clever of me
i can imagine eda saying this to me
"well done, jiamiao, well done."

well done indeed

very bored..

family's out the whole day
so here i am
home alone

actually
i've got some stuff to do wif my comp
which i've been (and am still) procrastinating

juz found out there's gonna b a separate fireworks show at marina
and i thot it's juz the usual kind of fireworks shown during ndp
hmmph
i wanna go watch leh

i'm bored
i'm bored
i'm bored
i'm bored
i'm bored
i'm bored
i'm bored
i'm bored
i'm bored
i'm bored

did i mention dat i'm bored?

SFF 2005..

in case i haven't mentioned
i'm going for 3 days of the Singapore Fireworks Festival
6th, 8th and 14th

really nice display by the Portugese team on sat
hope our home team will do better later
heh

1st batch of photos are up
courtesy of ronald's hp
go click the sidebar

look out for additions!!

jealousy..

juz heard this on 93.3
the top 3 zodiacs dat love their partners to be jealous
Leo
Cancer
Scorpio
the DJ added dat tho scorpios would like their partners to be jealous
they would, however
reflect on their actions at the same time
and think whether they have been making their partners feel insecure
and hence leading to their partners feeling jealous

hahaha
kinda true leh

ermm..

jingyi juz reminded me dat nasa is based in U.S.
so the dates and timing on the site are all local time

hmm
i guess we won't be able to see the meteor shower
coz it'll be daylight over here

sorry for the boo-boo

hahaha

Ophiuchus..

haha
tink i'm hooked on astronomy for a while now
reading many articles from nasa's webby
check this out
there's actually a 13th zodiac sign

mars hoax..

if u've gotten a forwarded email
about Mars being spectacular on 27th Aug
it's a hoax
read about it here

was going thru the headlines of nasa webby
and i found this
do check it out
the best day to watch it is next friday!!
hehe

i wanna watch!!
haven't seen a meteor shower b4 leh
where can i go between 2am n dawn
and away from city lights
hmm

wait..waiting..waited..

i just woke up
feel like saying something
but i dunno wat to say

good morning

reminder..

have u guys packed ur picnic baskets yet??
hehehehe
finally found the official SFF 2005 webby
it also introduces the different types of fireworks
pretty interesting
coz i never knew the proper names of the diff types
=)

ice milo..

is a damn blardy farking good catalyst
ARGHHHHHHH
@#!*&$^*@&$
DL;KS,
DFS FSPKFPMSF
SD,WCPI
FCSKVNVB
WE;RKL,WP;
KFOIHERIUF
'FSDF;LS,
(@#*$&@(*$&%^(*

=~~(

choc mousse..

i juz ate a lil' choc dessert
=D
told ya
choc works all the time
hehehe
but i'm still not in the mood to work
and i still want a hug

blues..

damn blardy farking bad mood

woke up feeling good
until i realised i've gained back the weight i lost
@#$&^@$*&&%^
ok, nvm abt dat
was feeling pretty good
compared to the usual days
when i was fighting to stay awake on the train
thot i'll have an energetic monday for once
hell i was wrong
went upstairs to do my usual work
and all of a sudden
i swear it's really all of a sudden
i was feeling so damn blardy sleepy
it's the kind of sleepy feeling
dat sucked big time
the very 辛苦 kind of sleepy
if u noe wat i mean
to top it up
was tinking thru quite a lote of stuff
damn fed up at my own brain
feeling so sleepy
still wanna think
wat the fuck
random thots
ok, not exactly random
thots abt stuff dats been happening recently

i don't noe wat to do
well, mayb i do
but subconsciously i dun wanna do it
i want to be nice
i am nice ok
i don't wanna do wat everyone's telling me to do
'coz i'll feel bad
and i don't wanna feel bad
and somehow i really cannot do it
i don't wanna hurt anyone
i don't wanna be heartless
so i'm saying this
do not, i repeat DO NOT push my limits

sometimes
i get so tired
protecting pple's feelings
is such a chore

i need a hug
a real one
if only

/end of pms rant